Helping our Children Develop Empathy—A Conversation with Stephany Stathopoulou

Empathy can be defined as “understanding and connecting to other people’s feelings.” It’s our invitation to pause, look through someone else’s eyes, and truly connect. The term comes from the German word Einfühlung, meaning “to feel as one with”, a reminder that empathy brings us closer and strengthens every relationship in our lives.

This month, we’re excited to explore empathy alongside Stephany Stathopoulou, proud parent of Nicolas '29 and Sophia '32.

Stephany Stathopoulou is a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist in the state of Florida. She earned her Bachelor’s Degree in Psychology from Northeastern University and moved to Miami where she worked as an Applied Behavior Analysis (ABA) therapist supporting children with Autism Spectrum Disorder. She then completed her Master’s Degree in Counseling Marriage and Family Therapy at the University of Miami.

During her postgraduate training, Stephany worked at Stop Parenting Alone, where she went on to provide therapy for six years to families, couples, adults, and children. She also delivered parenting talks at schools and conducted classroom observations to support healthy child development and school–home collaboration.

Stephany is now the founder of her private practice, Stephany Family Counseling, where she focuses on counseling for adults and parent coaching. Her work integrates expertise in child development, neurobiology, attachment theory, and family systems to help strengthen relationships at home. In addition to her professional passion, she spends her afternoons with her two children — putting her knowledge into daily practice in the most meaningful way.

To help us deepen our empathy practices at home, I asked Stephany to share her thoughts on how we can make empathy a meaningful part of our family life. Stephany’s insight, energy, and perspective are a gift to our community, and I’m thrilled to share it with you.

 

Empathy doesn’t require more hours in the day—it requires presence in the moments we do have.

Stephany Stathopoulou, Proud Parent of Nicolas ‘29 and Sophia ‘32; Founder of Stephany Family Counseling

 

Empathy is something that unfolds gradually throughout childhood. It’s not a single milestone but rather a relationship skill children develop as they grow. When we understand the stages of empathy development, it becomes easier to know what realistic expectations for our children are and how we can support them along the way.

Here’s a simple way to think about how empathy develops over time:

• Infants (0–2 years): Babies feel emotions through connection. They don’t understand feelings yet, but they absorb the emotional world around them. This is why one baby might cry when another baby cries.
• Toddlers & Preschoolers (2–5 years): Toddlers begin to recognize simple emotions like happy, sad, or mad — first in themselves and then in others. They might offer a toy or look worried when someone else is upset. These small gestures are actually big steps in empathy.
• Early Elementary (5–7 years): Children in this age group start learning that other people may think or feel differently than they do — especially through play and turn-taking. It’s also the age when many children see mistakes as “all or nothing” — I’m good or I’m bad. Apologizing can feel scary, so sometimes using dolls, figures, or stuffed animals to practice repairing a situation helps them learn without feeling ashamed.
• Middle Childhood (7–12 years): Empathy becomes more thoughtful at this age. Children can understand mixed feelings and they deeply care about fairness — not only for themselves, but for others too.
• Adolescence: Empathy expands outward — toward peers, friendships, and the wider world. Teens advocate for each other and notice what feels just or unjust around them.

Even with all these stages, I always remind parents: children move forward and backward all the time. Some days they surprise us with their generosity, and other days they need more support. That’s completely normal. What matters most is that they feel seen and connected along the way, because empathy grows in safe relationships.

 

How can families support a child who has difficulty recognizing or expressing emotions?

First, it’s so important to remember this is very common. Many children don’t yet have the language for what they feel. And when a child doesn’t have words, behavior takes over. One of the most helpful things we can do is narrate. For example:

“I see your hands are tight — are you frustrated?”
“My heart beats fast when I feel nervous. Does yours feel like that too?”

Naming feelings helps children organize what’s happening inside.

Validating what they feel — even if the feeling is big or inconvenient — shows them that emotions are safe and worth understanding.

Stories are also wonderful teachers. When a book character is scared or excited, children safely explore what those emotions mean. It opens the door for them to talk about their own internal world.

And then there are the little rituals — five minutes before bed, sitting together in the car, a quiet moment after school. We don’t have to ask big questions. Just being present and consistent makes it easier for children to open up when they’re ready.

 

What strategies do you recommend for strengthening empathy between siblings?

Siblings are each other’s first long-term relationship — and that means conflict is not a sign of failure; it’s actually where empathy is practiced the most!

When my children come to me upset with each other, I try to slow the moment down:

“Tell your sister what happened for you.”
“Now let’s hear his side.”

Giving each child a chance to feel seen softens everything. It also keeps me from becoming the judge — they learn to relate to each other, not just rely on me to fix things.

And just as important are the moments without conflict: laughing together, building something side by side, being on the same team. Shared joy strengthens their bond, and a strong sibling bond becomes a safe place to learn how to care, listen, and repair — all core pieces of empathy.

What does empathetic communication look like in a busy household where time and stress are real factors?

Empathy doesn’t require more hours in the day — it requires presence in the moments we do have. Sometimes it looks like:

Pausing to make eye contact when your child is telling a story.
Putting the phone down for one minute while they speak.
A long hug after school.
A hand on their back when they’re upset.

Keep in mind that connection alone is not the only ingredient to displaying empathy. Empathic communication also means narrating a person’s emotional world and validating their experience: “You really wish I could help you right now,” or “It was disappointing when that didn’t go how you hoped.” These small reflections teach children that their inner world matters.

Some of my best conversations with my own children happen in the car, we’re together, but not face-to-face, and that feels easier for them. Those in-between moments — walking to the car, brushing teeth, driving home — are often the most emotionally rich.

Finally, our kids are always learning even when we are not engaging with them. For example, they learn from how we treat others, especially how we repair when we’re not at our best.

 

How can parents balance empathy with setting boundaries and expectations?

Empathy doesn’t mean saying yes. It means saying I understand, even when the answer is no. A simple example might sound like:

“I know you’re disappointed we can’t do a playdate today. You were looking forward to it. We have piano this afternoon, and we stick to our commitments. But let’s plan for Friday so you still have something fun coming up.”

They may still feel upset, and that’s okay. Being heard helps children accept limits without feeling powerless or misunderstood. Boundaries + empathy = emotional safety.

 

What role does emotional regulation play in a child’s development of empathy, and how can families support it?

For a child to empathize with someone else, they must first be able to manage what’s happening inside of themselves. If a child is overwhelmed (in a fight, flight, or freeze response), they are not choosing to ignore us, they simply can’t access the calm part of their brain where empathy lives. So we help them regulate first:

A tight hug.
Deep breaths together.
A minute of quiet space.
Going outside for fresh air.

Once their body and brain feel safer, then we can talk about what happened, how they felt, and how someone else might have felt too.

Sometimes the teaching moment isn’t during the meltdown — it’s later, during bedtime snuggles, and that’s developmentally appropriate.

How has technology and digital communication influenced children’s ability to practice empathy, and what guidance do you give families around this?

Technology allows children to connect, but it often removes the emotional cues that help them understand impact. When they can’t see someone’s face or hear their voice, they don’t get the feedback that says: “My words caused a feeling.”

It also narrows our perspective — algorithms show us what we already agree with. Curiosity and compassion need different points of view to grow.

But technology can also connect us as caregivers. Parenting can feel isolating, and finding voice notes from a supportive friend or online resources can help us show up calmer and more grounded.

I always say: A supported parent can better support their child.

So instead of fear I like to focus on balance, conversation, and staying involved in what our children are experiencing online.

 

Book Suggestions for Building Emotional Vocabulary at Home

The Color Monster by Anna Llenas

In My Heart by Jo Witek

Be Kind by Pat Zietlow Miller

The Feelings Book by Todd Parr

 

Reading together opens doors that conversations alone sometimes can’t.

 

Final Thought

Empathy doesn’t ask us to be perfect — it invites us to be present.

Our children learn empathy through the way we comfort them, listen to them, validate their experiences, repair with them, and allow them to feel all the feelings that make them beautifully human.

Thank you for letting me share something that truly matters to me — both as a therapist and as a mom learning right alongside you.